At A Total Loss For Words

I am home, thanks to an early departure from the northern hospitality of Wisconsin. Mostly thanks to this damned ear ache and cold I seemed to have picked up instead of fishing.
Wonderful and delightful in and of it self, I am sure here I will find much more interesting things to blat on about.

First And Foremost: Let me be very clear about one point: I do not give a shit who reads this, how they find it, or what they think of it.

It seems the ever (or sometimes no so) present author of this blog, case and point being me, has come under some considerable fire, and had this little tool of my sanity used against me.
Let me reiterate here, I don’t care who reads this, if they like it, and frankly don’t give a damned if anyone finds it offensive.
I know, people out there, and in here all seem to have something to gripe about, I do my fair share of bitching, we all do from time to time.
However, that is why I made this forum, it is my little corner of the universe when I can say what I want when I want about what I want, and if someone does not like it, all they simply need do is read no further.
Yes people, it is that simple.
I know I have no great readership that follows my ranting and raving on any given day, however, I do not really care about that either.
What do I care about? You can ask; and I will tell you:
I care about this being my forum, my soap box, my place to speak how I feel, if it meets with reproach I don’t care, this little gem helps me stay sane….
Ask my shrink…I am about as sane as people come…maybe that makes her insane…but hell it sure makes Erika and I feel better.
This little electric online journaling device may very well be the glimmer into my life people are looking for. If you want to try to figure me out go ahead, if you want to read this and find it offends you good, if you want to read this and look for something that is not there great.
I don’t mention a lot of people by name in here, I don’t call people out, I talk about the mundane day to day activity that is my life. And I like it that way. I don’t ask for anything from this blog except that it be here everyday, and that it allow me to write and spill my guts to those who I do not know who are reading or that I do know and do not know they are reading.
There is no score card for reading this blog people, read it or don’t, I don’t give a shit.

I do know this, I will continue to write about whatever the damned well hell I please about here, and if people don’t like it they simply do not have to read it, bear witness to it, or advocate it in anyway.

This is mine, and I intend to keep it that way.

So as for my lil’ trip to the good ole north, hospitality not with standing, and the scathing reviews of my visit not pondered upon, I did manage to see a lot of people. sure time is always short, and I am a damnable person to some for not spending my due time and course in the right places at the right times, but all in all, it wasn’t a bad trip.

The drive home was another matter completely, and while I won’t dwell on the sticky and icky details right now, my dear friends, let me tell you when a person sets out to push your buttons they can, even from three hundred miles away. Sometimes I need to learn to let things go, and chalk one up for the little demon in my brain who gets the best of me when that angry mob inside my head gets going, but we don’t always shut up, and we don’t always want to listen to the ranting of others at seventy miles an hour.

Indianapolis will always have a wonderful new meaning for me now…thank you blackberry much.

I know, I know I should let things go, but, you know, when I get riled and I do from time to time, I just cant help myself, I should have hung up let it at that, but no no no no, I had to push and have a say too. Well, we all feel entitled to our opinions, and I surely felt entitled to mine today, barely able to talk with out coughing and all.

We all feel entitled, and being this is my blog I feel entitled to say, my earlier post, about “proper families” stands true.

We are all born with a family, like it or not, they are ours, better or worse, we will always have them. Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye, more often than not I am sure many will agree. and so we surround ourselves and build our own families, we build our lives, as adults, and sometimes people don’t see our life as we do, and that is okay, for the most part, when we as children grown up our birth families accept we will start our own family our own traditions, sometimes, we have trouble letting go of the past and moving on, sometimes the past haunts us with it’s tyranny and we have little to say about what was done long ago, except we don’t have to be the people others think we should be. Sure some things in our life we can not choose, I can’t choose to have brown eyes anymore than I can choose to be gay, but how we deal is another matter all together. How we live life and find comfort in the small things from day to day matter.

I choose to have people in my life who love me and accept me just as I am, flawed and all. I choose not to be a judge of others, and hope they do not judge me.

It does not always work out that way.

We often find time and again we will never live up to the standards other people have set for us. We will never be the people they want us to be, never around enough, never quiet enough, never saying enough, never far away enough. Always just on the cusp of what everyone else thinks we should be. Sometimes, that is our lot in life, to learn the lesson “you can’t please everyone.” I personally know I have a long way to go in that area. But with Yoshi sleeping beside me, I know I pleased someone today, he is sleeping fitfully, belly full, toys beside him, and while I may not be able to please everyone, trying hurts almost as much. You try, you get scathed, you don’t try you get burned, either way, Indianapolis would have new meaning for me today, it just came down to which degree of the burn I got, and try though as I did, I got burned...yet again.

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need.”