I Am The Roller Coaster Tycoon

Sitting wondering about things today I realize I am absolutely and positively bored out of my mind.

There seems to be some sort of weird programming that switches in my brain when I see the sun shining out side I am so convinced that I should be outside. Fishing, the sunlight, the air in my lungs something, I should be doing something. So I paint, and occupy my mind, looking for the answers to who I am inside. And I look and search for something I worry I may never find again. Maybe it is one of those things we never find until we are gone, the closeted us. Odd thing for an openly gay person to say maybe, however, feeling closeted is something people feel inside from time to time I think. The never ending search for themselves. A detective who can not close the last case in their drawer before they retire. The cold case sitting there, the jacket worn, known inside and out. Finger prints, partial identifications, the shadowy figure in the street light, whispered away with night’s airy breath. Ghosts creeping under your door, silent revelation of some dankness left on the shelf feted rotted ideals behind the brining juice “Time”.

The silver lining? The repeat of salvation? The glint of the light at the end of the tunnel. mirrored glasses three quarters full, forgetting half empty, damning half full, who needs it there is so much more than that. More than the romaine in the lettuce crisper, healthful and good for you crisped and cleaned. Needed for more than a minute, needed for more than a day, needed for more than for you, needed for more than need.

There will always be good. you will always have it in you, you just need to look in the right place, the right height in your mind, the places hidden, they try to hide them from you, try to find a corner to stash the glimmering objects that would carry you to a sunlit room that fills you with hopeful acclimates of peace. “Hope is the greatest of things” isn’t that what was said? We have to believe that to find our way out of the oblivious dark that terrifies the senses and stupefies the soul. Soul. A permeable being that fills the void of heart. Egyptians used to feel that the heart did all the thinking. The brain was useless. The soul is not an organ. The soul is not something you can touch, unless you find someone who touches you.

People love other people. It is in the human nature to care about other people, to look for the good in each other. My fiancé found it in me. Sees it in me every day. She helps me see it in me, in a way I have never seen it before. I see things in her, see colors, prismatic colors. Lights and sparkling rainbows of greens, oranges, blues, reds, I feel the ocean when I listen to her heart and her lungs as she breathes while I sleep next to her. The relaxing tides surrounding me. Hearing John say “you future mother in law thinks so…” or a gentle hug from Diane when we come over for comfort foods of chili and grilled cheese, because knows that I am in pain from how I walk or how I hug her first. Gracie, asking for me to sit with her at dinner, and us eating grilled cheese and playing with our food, I mean really what adult does not love to play with their food? Helping fix a cell phone that I am totally obsessed with, or chatting about fishing and browsers on cell phones with Troy and Heather. Family, I love sitting at that table, even on days when I am not feeling “sociable”.

We all get to ride the rides, the ride has a different admission every day, sometimes, the price seems steep, however, the thrill is worth it, and it is one hell of a ride, in the end?

I plan on being a Tycoon.
Angie

PS Don't forget, I put a link in the Header of this post...enjoy... A.

Gracie....A New Pic For You All

This is a Pic of my niece Gracie...hope you guys enjoy it. I know I do! She is so cute and adorable!

Hope everyone enjoys, take care and be well!

Angie

"Down on The Farm"

Okay well, I know I have been MIA for a few days, sorry about that everyone. I am not sure what happened, I lost track of time, I lost track of space. I most likely just lost track of me. That happens to me from time to time. I am not sure if you know how that feels gang, however, I am sure there are a few other people who know what I am talking about. Any way, as they once said “I’m Back!”
Yesterday the fishing was not only cold; so were the fish. McNeely is usually my hot spot lake for pan fish, however, only a few bites and not a one catch. on my way home, I driving, as one does on their way home, and saw three young guys, sign in hand asking for money for food for them and their dog. I am, by all means, a huge animal lover. I drove past, as over 90 percent of the population does in these situations, and got on the freeway to go home.
The chill of the cool winds still working its way out of my body, I was not even thinking of those young guys, and I turned around, stopped at a dollar store, bought dog food and dog treats, made my way back and dropped them off. Some how, it seemed wrong. The dog was eating not those young guys. So I of course asked when they last had a true hot good meal.
Food.
Simple, yet so important and so needed to survive. I take for granted that if I want something warm, Erika makes me a comforting pot of potato soup, I am warmed and feel loved and safe.
I sat there in that booth listening to the lives of strangers. Watching them laugh. Hearing the differences in their voices. Listening to the highs and lows of traveling across the country together. Salad, biscuits, pasta, gravy, wonderful table manners, better than my own at times, it was wonderful to sit and hear their lives unfold into colorful pictures in my mind.
Dinner really can bring families together, family yesterday were total strangers, human brothers, just like Ben or Justin. I did not see guys that had not had a decent meal in a few days. I saw my friends, their smiling faces, no one of them would ever go hungry. The dog? Sure you may ask, and I will tell you, Erika and I spoke once, about how we would never let an animal suffer or be hungry, I saw Odyssey, Apollo, Hud, Buster, Dexter, Dodge, and Sasha. My brother’s and I’s dogs, now and growing up, my Father’s favorite hunting dog, I saw them all.
Ah, the old cliché, the we are all a human family cliché. I don’t care about that. I know people were looking at me with these guys in the restaurant, I did not care then I don’t care now. Their meal was paid for; they were polite, respectful, quiet, kind to the wait staff. I felt bad about leaving them, when I dropped them off where they asked me to, those were the best good bye hugs I have received in a long time. If I never hear from them, or see them again, that day will always stick with me, I felt whole, good.
Alive. Living. Real. Human. Refreshed.
It does not get much better than that. If you get a chance please keep Rich, Rory, and Danny in your prayers, that they may be safe in their travels.
“Fair winds and following tides” boys.
Angie