My Christmas Blog

This poem was written by a Marine stationed in Okinawa Japan. The following is his request. I think it is reasonable... Please!. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this small seed.

THE GIFT

Author Unknown

T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,

HE LIVED ALL ALONE,

IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY

WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,

AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,

A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,

NO TINSEL,

NO PRESENTS,

NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,

JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,

ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES

OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,

AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,

A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,

IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,

I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,

ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,

SILENT,

ALONE,

CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR

IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,

THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,

NOT HOW I PICTURED

A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?

CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,

THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES

THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,

OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS

WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,

THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,

AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE

A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM

EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,

BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,

LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER

HOW MANY LAY ALONE,

ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE

IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT

BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,

I DROPPED TO MY KNEES

AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED

AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,

"SANTA DON'T CRY,THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,

I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,

MY LIFE IS MY GOD,

MY COUNTRY,

MY CORPS."

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER

AND SOON DRIFTED TO SLEEP,

I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,

I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,

SO SILENT AND STILL

AND WE BOTH SHIVERED

FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE

ON THAT COLD,

DARK,

NIGHT,

THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR

SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,

WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,

WHISPERED,

"CARRY ON SANTA,IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,

AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."

Merry Christmas Everyone, Cherish Your Loved Ones, God Bless You Everyone Of You, Please Take a moment of Silence on Christmas with your families to say a prayer for our loved ones over seas.

Angie

For a Few Avid Reader Who Requested the first Part Of This Blog...Enjoy Everyone!

"Sunday, September 21, 2008

Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Bar Competition
Yet another story of why I have issues with local small town cops. I went to DJ a TGIFriday's Bar Competition a couple weeks ago in Central New Jersey(I've been sitting on this post, cause I'm obviously busy). As always I parked in the fire lane out front to unload my equipment. I parked behind the police suv that was parked on duty for the event. I locked my truck up and went inside to unload. While I was unloading and setting up my equipment, the manager came and told me that I better move my truck. At that point I looked up and saw a second cop car parked behind me with his lights on, so I said "Fine."When I went out, I walked past the 2 cops standing together and headed for my car. The older guy, stops me from going to my car and says "Is that your car?" So I said yes as I continued toward it. What I'm thinking is that they are going to tell me to move my car, so I was going to move my car. It made sense at the time.So, he yells, "Hey, I'm talking to you!" And I turn around and say, "Yeah, I said Yeah..." He immediately closes the space between us and gets pretty much nose to nose with me and starts complaining about how he didn't disrespect me, but me "saying yes over my shoulder was disrespectful to him...blah blah blah" So, I said "Sorry you took it that way"So he goes into another tyraid about how my appology doesn't mean anything to him, so I say "I'm sorry you feel THAT way..." If you know me and how I feel about this type of bully (which would include pretty much every cop I've ever met) you would know that as I say these things, I'm looking him in the eye and more conveying a vibe of "YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF" than "I'm sorry".Right about then, my friend walks around the corner to move my car for me, not knowing what was happening and the guy starts screaming at him..."You have something to say? You're eyeballing me..." My friend didn't know what to do, he tried to explain himself and then just backed away and went back inside. There is a whole crowd of people watching this asshole make a fool of himself. So we go back and forth like that for a few minutes, with him trying to both verbally and physically intimidate me and me leaning back in to his space showing him that I'm not interested in his games. And then he finally lets me go move my car.When I went back inside I passed him, the other cop and the manager of the bar talking. I'm inside for a little while and the manager comes up to me and tells me that the other officer wants to talk to me. So my immediate thought is "What now?"But I go talk to him in a quiet part of the restaurant and he APOLOGIZES for the other jerk offs behavior and encourages me to lodge a formal complaint with the station. To Be Continued...(and that concludes our broadcasy day)"

Man i still LOVE this post! It just screams follow the force...and our hero does as we wknow from a later post...
A

Check This Post...Esspecialy If You Have a Legit Axe To Grind

I Just want to say, this post is all about the happenings of a friend's friend and his friend (like that huh?) to get the full scoop...check his blog...and dont forget to buy a donut today...

Courtesy of Matty's Meaty Cupboard (http://thepantry33.blogspot.com/)
Follow up to the cop story...
So, the long over due follow up to that big ordeal with the cop is that I ended up going to the station house and making a taped statement against the guy and so did my friend that he verbally attacked. The cops followed up with both of us pretty agressively to get us to do that...so apparently they really do not approve of his behavior. When I got there to make my statement, he already had typed and signed copies from the good cop, the bar manager, and one other witness. Unfortunately I don't know what kind of trouble he got in, but it was satisfying that they really wanted to hear from me and that even the captain told me that he didn't think I did anything wrong and was treated in an unacceptable manner.So, score one for the good guys!(and that concludes our broadcast day)

Enjoy..."May the force be with you...Always"
Angie

On Wisconsin…On Wisconsin…

Ever have a miserable day? Ever feel like you just cant get a grip and you need to talk to someone who knows you and understands you, and wont judge you, and will listen no matter what you have to say? You can feel anything you need to, and can talk it out, or say nothing at all…well…just a simple thank you…you made my day so much better…made me feel better than therapy…medications…being curled up and alone…and all you did was pick up the phone and make one simple phone call. Dealt with my annoying Wisconsin Badgers Ring tone, and let me talk it out for a few minutes and I feel so much better, so thanks for your friendship, and making things easier, and what am I saying you didn’t need a thank you didn’t expect one, but you got it anyway…so deal…we don’t do the “Suzie Sunshine Shit” LOL…you get the drift…
Angie

Kiss My Claus…

Okay people here we go again…Christmas gone postal! Along with digital “claymation” and $300 gifts…we now have Palm Centro screwing with the little mojo this Grinch has for Christmas.

Everyone knows I am not the biggest on Christmas, however, these new Palm commercials are killing even me…they SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF EVEN ME…why in “Whoville they would say Palm’s small heart has shrunk to a new low this seasons holiday!”




Santa…The REAL SANTA would never sell his reindeer…this imposter is disgracing the very essence and spirit of the season.

Whether you believe in the Christian benevolence of the season…or you celebrate and don’t quite know the reason…you have to agree…Palm Centro’s “Claus” kills every GOOD Reason for this season.

Enjoy the videos…hope they don’t make you throw up on your PC, however maybe, just maybe, knowing you are not the only one who knows how ridiculous they are will tickle you with glee.

Angie.

Same Ole...Same Ole...

There is no use in trying to explain how I am feeling today. Yesterday’s blog pretty much sums that up. I wish I had some sorted agenda to rant about, some corrupt government scandal to occupy my time, but…I don’t. I am just sort of floating around in my head and wondering what the hell happened to me recently, and how am I going to fix it. I always tape this prayer to my phones, and clipboards, pens, etc,

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The strength to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference; That I may have some Peace and happiness in this life, and sublime peace and happiness with you in eternity. Amen.”

But today, yesterday, the day before…I don’t know friends, fellow readers, bloggers united on the front of expression, I don’t know, so I pour my thoughts onto the virtual page via my virtual pen, hoping the well does not run dry. It is a crappy time of year to be feeling this discontentment with myself, with the world around me. And now science is trying to tell us that Christ was born in June, who cares. Christmas is so commercial, does it really matter any way…

Oh wow…an epiphany…lighting has just struck my brain…I told Erika that I was going to blog about those damned CLAUS commercials and I AM…I’M BACK PEOPLE I FEEL A RAMPAGE…

Two blogs in one day…oh this next blog is for you Corky!
Angie

“I Make A Difference”

You ever notice how there are some people who always seem to be flirting with danger? They cannot seem to function unless “their life is in a constant mode of crisis”? I am not one of those people.
The government was kind enough to give us something called FMLA after a father could not care for his cancer riddled daughter, however, all good graces are not indefinite.
I received my formal termination letter from my company today.
I want to make a few things very clear here…set the record very straight and clear…
I love my company. I cannot imagine working for another company, and before this debacle, I was even going to work in Texas for my company. I love the reps that work for us. I love the job. I love the work. I love the customers.
When I say I love the work, you have to understand. I love the industry. The Credit Card banking industry; I have been doing it for over five years. I can get into a credit card terminals head and fix anything wrong with it’s psyche, calm the merchant, and figure out how to make them laugh all in the same five minute call. I worked with everything from the ancient terminals to the newest and most advanced. Telco to wireless, touch screen to paperless, terminals that hold fifty transactions to terminals that hold five merchants and thousands of transactions; I Love The Job.
I enjoy my work, and I enjoy teaching it. I enjoy helping merchants. It seemed a natural fit for me to go into Quality Assurance. I get to do everything. I get to teach, learn, help, grow, encourage, develop, train, work with, guide not only the reps, but also the merchants and our leadership teams to help everyone build the best possible situation for everyone.
I have the privilege of helping the business grow. Helping my company grow. And in return…they have given me so much more.
That letter…that letter…it is so damn cold outside today, and the post box was ice cold as well. It is funny how paper feels heavier when it is so cold. Weighted, bricked into your fingertips, glued to the shaking hand that can’t break the seal, dreading the parchment inside.
We all know we have a path in life. Whether we believe it is laid out, predestined, or we make our own way, in our own time, the path, some times, the path is just so hard to get past.
Steamy breathy gasps, and the final collapse, the worn worked couch grunts under your broken spirit.
What’s left to do? Dry fingertips, winter hands, paper skin, older than my years, push the stone out of the way, open the door, shut the window, slam the flue, I already know what the fine laser ink across the heavy weight linen page says…
Per our conversation…My heart is now broken…My soul will now hurt…My dream feels shattered…I feel…
Nothing.

Angie
PS And Today The Force Lies In This Video...A

Why Have Turkey For Thanksgiving…When You Can Have Ham!!!

Introducing Davis Everyone! He is One of Teresa and Kyle Ray’s boys…and he sure is a camera ham! Hope everyone enjoys these pictures of him… I know I sure did… there is nothing like a friends adorable kids to brighten your day and give you a huge smile!
Angie

CAUTION!!! This Blog Is Considered BIOHAZARDOUS MATERIAL!!!

I am sure many of you have not had a chance to read yesterdays blog, that’s okay, I have a new rant and rave that is going to probably bore you just as much. Go Figure.

I got word today that that the wonderful people at Helpless Financial have denied my claim for my disability benefits again. Ms. X would not even give me the information when I requested it on Tuesday. Today is Friday, and I got the Information From Ms. D at my work. Or what used to be my work.

It amazes me that a person who wants to work, and can not is unable to get help, yet people who do not want to work, and know how to run around the system can get food, housing, and utility assistance. However because I spent my life working I have no idea how the hell the systems can be worked to my advantage. So I get fucked, my fiancé is fucked, and we are left wondering how to pay for our $450 a month apartment.

Curious isn’t it? Strange, that I paid into my disability fund, and now I cant use it; cannot get the money back. It is no wonder how sick and disabled people end up destitute and even end up homeless and lost.

Now where do we go? What’s next? Well we keep fighting the good fight.

And the first rule of fighting Helpless Financial; don’t talk about Fighting Helpless Financial.

Angie

WARNING!!! This Blog May Also Be Used To Treat Other Conditions As Determined By Your Doctor

It is amazing to me that society holds “Journaling” so dear to its heart. I have recently been sucked into the weekly ritual of watching Grey’s Anatomy (Those of you who are guilty of this perpetration of brain washing know who you are and have been forced to fish and play video games already heehee). Now in this show they show in season one a “journal” of video surgeries, and in season five, they show a box full of actual “journals” from before one of the characters parents lost their mind to Alzheimer’s.

It’s been shown in books and movies “The Notebook” and “Reign Of Fire”. So “Journaling” is used for everything from serious to action to comedy.

Now, as you loyal patrons of my ramblings know, Doc P is my shrink, and she says to me, “maybe we should try journaling” I looked at her and said, “What do you mean we? You mean I should try journaling right? I mean really you are not going to journal your life and share with me, you want me to write and give my daily life to you spilled out on paper, hell I might as well write an autobiography and try to sell it and make money on it then.” The looks I get from her from time to time are priceless; I wish I could tape them and post them here for you all to see.

Thus, I informed Doc P, I have been blogging, and that should suffice just fine for my Journaling for now. She agreed, and so I being the ranting and rambling of another blog…Therapeutically of course…

So…to continue my thoughts (and my Journaling heehee)… I wonder if SHE needs therapy after her visits with me. I mean after all, I did make my forth grade and seventh grade teachers cry. I mean my seventh grade teacher switched to teaching first grade after one year in seventh teaching my class (hell there was only 17 of us) I wonder if they needed therapy (maybe they just talked to the Priests, I don’t know).

Any way back to the good Doc P, I like her more and more though, however I wonder if I don’t verbally assault her a little because I am testing her, testing the water to see what she can handle.

We all test people from time to time. Even those we try not to test, our most precious loved ones, and sometimes we test them the most. E tells me that sometimes, that I test her, push her to see how far I can push. Another self defense mechanism, another way to keep people at an arms distance, never let anyone in too close, keep the masses out of my world.

And then, there was E. And then there was Max. You know, I never went near kids before, they scared me, I finally figured it out, they could see me, my vulnerabilities, see right through me.

I remember sitting with E, her telling me she wanted to introduce me to her best friend. Allyson, she is married to a nice guy (it took me months to remember their names), and they have a son about six months old named Max. My neck bristled, (I knew she spent Thursdays there, every week, they are great friends) I broke into a cold sweat, and re-enforced the “I really don’t like kids Erika” statement I had made when we had first started dating.

There was something about that kid. I have talked to my shrink about it (hence the journaling came up cause I could not put it in words) and I still can’t put my finger on it. I feel bad now; thinking back on the first time Allyson met me. She must have been terrified thinking of Erika being with someone who flat out told her when they first met that she “really, I don’t like children and they don’t like me”. Poor Allyson must have felt almost sick to her stomach. But she was cheerful and sweet, talkative and kind.

The first time I saw Max, we were all having coffee, he was in his stroller, I don’t know, I looked at him, he was cute, and I knew he saw right into me the way kids do, you know? The way they can look into your soul, we as adults lose that as we grow up. It is the thing that makes us figure out there is no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. The thing that makes us leery of every person who walks down the street, and makes us fearful in our own homes on a stormy night. That thing that makes it so if we don’t see the world it cant see us, or our huddling under a blanket with a friend will keep us safe from the boogeyman. In all the children I have met in my life, I never felt the calm I felt when that little man looked into my eyes and saw me. Normally, it freaks me out, but not that time. And to this date he never has.

Max has never once said my name. He does not call me on the phone. When I walk in the room, he does not turn and say hello. He does not voice to me in the way adults do. However, he never forgets me. He may not be able to say my name, but when I walk into the house, he genuinely hugs me, and smiles, and laughs. An adult will be so focused on your name you will get a half smile, a limp handshake, and a how are you, and they will never get your name. But this little boy remembers.

I think the best way to tell what I am talking about is when I went to Houston for work. I was going for a year. I was very upset, I had been spending a lot of time with Max, I remember having quite a few conversations with E about my concerns about if he would remember me when I got a chance to come back and visit him. Despite her attempts to calm me about this, and tell me that he would remember me playing on the floor with him, reading to him, hugging him before bed, etc, I was still upset and agitated by the whole thing.

I went to Texas in the beginning of June. I called home every day, saw E on web cam, called when she was with Max, had her give him hugs from me, and tell him I loved him every chance she got.

The first chance I got I hopped a plane to Kentucky for a long weekend; I made sure it was for Max’s Birthday. There was no way I was missing his first birthday. I did not care if I had to walk from Texas to Kentucky; I was going to be there to see him turn 1. I was going to be there for cake, and presents, and everything in between.
While I was gone, I started not feeling well (loyal readers you know all about so we wont delve into that here and now) so I could not get on the floor and play with Max when I saw him. But I held him and hugged him, and everyone was talking, “see he remembers you, we told you he would” I was not convinced, and then, the miracles of all miracles.

I was sitting at the dinning table looking into the kitchen talking to Max’s mommy and E, he crawled right over in front of me; me sitting in that chair towering over him; him with his happy smiles and giggles, he looked right up at me, took his little hand, and patted the floor three times. He looked at me, the look in his eyes saying “why aren’t you down here where you are supposed to be playing with me?”

I don’t cry.

I want to make that very clear, (Doc P is trying to change this, my emotions are a little too in check I guess, LOL) but that, in that moment, I welled up. Not only did he remember me, he remembered how we played, and wanted me to play with him. Never was I a more proud Auntie than in that moment. And yes, I am Max’s Aunt. Maybe not by blood, but then there are some things that are stronger.

Journaling? I don’t Journal. I Blog. And yeah, Doc P can read it if she wants, and she probably will, since I told her Journaling wont work, but I will blog for hours, LOL. It suits my “addictive personality” as E and I describe it.

So there you go Doc, what I could not get into with you in session. What really chokes me up? What really makes me smile?

And now? Would Allyson worry about Max and me? Naw.

In Fact, babysat for him, I see him every week, help get him ready for bed, play with him on the floor when I can, and when his baby Sister or Brother is born…I am going to be right there…Still Blogging.

Angie

Tis The Season

Well, It has been a few weeks since I have written, and those of you watching, know that, I apologize for my absence, however, to use Corky’s words “it’s been crazy”.

I won’t bore you with the flood of minor details, but a cascade of insanity is so worth it.

The Friday before Thanksgiving say, I made my infamous Apple Cider Turkey, and a little birdie told me that it turned out pretty good. I had some of the best home made mashed potatoes I have ever had. I pride myself on being able to make taters from scratch, but Keith made some that were worthy of a pilgrims feast. Now most people will tell you that Thanksgiving must be a glutinous gorging feast of variety and quantity, however, I found that our simple four person thanksgiving of turkey, mashed potatoes, and canned jelled cranberries, and of course Allyson’s Pumpkin Pie with the ever glutinous whip cream.

We sat at that table the four of us, eating until our plates were empty; all told we ate maybe 5 pounds of the 19.5-pound turkey. We ate mashed potatoes and cranberries, we laughed, Erika was drinking wine right from the bottle, me? I was an Ice Tea person, Allyson was all about the caffeine free, (baby on the way smile smile wink wink) and Keith was drinking Coke. I don’t think I have ever been a part of such a wonderful thanksgiving. Turkey me this and Turkey me that, forget the figgy pudding, I’ll take my thanksgiving every year just like that.

Now I AM A Grinch When It Comes To Christmas But...I Digress:


The Christmas tree is up, the stockings are hung by doorway with care, and Athena is hoping St Nick will soon be here. Erika made an ornament in the window between the kitchen and living room of blue and silver and lights. And that’s it, Christmas is hung and twinkling galore. I am not into the holiday, though I am assured that it will be one for the books. I don’t know about all of that, though I am looking forward to watching Max open gifts, and seeing him play with the boxes that thing come in. I mean really what one-year-old wants a toy when they can have the box it comes in? Right? I mean really, a box can be anything; a toy can only be what the manufacturer makes it.

Speaking of Max, I have some Glorious News…the words spoken on Friday Night (and yes I have witnesses people) was FOOTBALL. I am not kidding; he walked up to Keith, took the football from his hand and said “FOOTBALL”. Now, Erika, Allyson, Keith, and I were all there, and I am not kidding, the kid is a genius. He has this down pat. That was the buzz all night.

Now onto to the hardcore stuff…

I have been going to a shrink…ahhhh yes as if I don’t have enough emotional baggage and babble going on here…for secrecy sake we shall call her Doc P. Now the good Doc and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, however, I am “confronting my illnesses” (to this Angie makes an evil face and gives shifty eyes) now, for those of you who don’t know what this means, this entails me paying her for the most part to tell me how to live me life, and tell me to be less negative, LOL LOL LOL. To be less sarcastic, and to quit using humor “as a blocking defensive mechanism to deal with my inner fears and insecurities.” Ummmm…OOOOOKKKAAAAAYYYYY.


Now, Doc P has some really great points, like she just went on sale, she is half off now, heehee, my sessions are half as much as they were two weeks ago, and she does have some good advice, from time to time, how to calm myself during pain spikes, how to help myself get through days when I have to face losing my job, etc. I wonder how the hell Doc P would handle the next portion of my heavy hitter section….

That Damned Disability Company for privacy sake we will refer to them as Helpless Financial, we will give their reps name Ms X. well Ms X thinks I should be at work, My doctors, all 7 of them think otherwise, LOL, what to do, well I talk to Doc P, but he response is to be sure to pay my co pay before my visits, LMAO, imagine that. Well, I got a lawyer for my Social Security claim, but that still leaves me high and dry with my long term disability people and Ms. X, so I chase all over town and every week spend over $25 faxing her crap just so she can deny my claim again and again and again. Ahh the vicious cycle of medically induced poverty. As for Erika and I, we (meaning Erika) make too much money to qualify for financial aid from city, county, or state, by get this less than one would think, we can not even afford my medical stuff, much less our tiny apartment, and the state says to me when I apply for aid “you have one of the most comfortable living conditions of any disabled person we have seen” I scoffed out loud and hung up as the state rep was saying “have a happy holiday season”

Happy Holiday? Scoff again…and again…what else can you do.

This is what I would Like to do...




I will talk to you all soon...Take care and be well friends...May The Force Be With You.
Angie

PS

Friends, Are we really in this much Economical Distress?

Guess Maybe we do need that Economic Stimulus Package Huh?

A.

According To Webster

Main Entry:
1equal
Pronunciation:
\ˈē-kwəl\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, from Latin aequalis, from aequus level, equal
Date:
14th century
1 a (1): of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2): identical in mathematical value or logical denotation : equivalent b: like in quality, nature, or status c: like for each member of a group, class, or society 2: regarding or affecting all objects in the same way : impartial3: free from extremes: as a: tranquil in mind or mood b: not showing variation in appearance, structure, or proportion 4 a: capable of meeting the requirements of a situation or a task b: suitable
synonyms see same



The “Gay Marriage” Thing is getting out of control people. What the hell happened to it just being just MARRIAGE? A relationship between two people who love one another and respect each other? Is this really how people are feeling? Don’t we have homeless men and women freezing and hungry? Don’t we have children dying of diseases such as cancer and AIDS?

I can be a doctor, a lawyer, a preacher, a politician, a handyman, a bagger at the grocery store, own my own business, work for no one or everyone… vote for who ever I want.

But I can’t be Erika’s Wife.

How sad and heartless the plight of those so misfortunate to forget that we are all here to care about one another, and yet if I failed to pay my taxes, they would throw my Queer ass in jail so fast I would not have a chance to blink.



People are saying Gay people should be allowed to have equal rights…just call it something besides Marriage…HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EQUAL??? ANYONE?

Can anyone give me a good answer to that? Please…I won’t hold my breath
Angie

PS
Maybe Someone Should Tell These People To Read The Red and Green Part of My Blog...A

"Everything I See Looks Like A Tootsie Roll To Me"

Alright, I normally don’t post 2 good sized blogs in one day; however, this is out of control!
Has anyone else notice that Obama just got Fucking elected and they are already questioning whether or not he is going to be able to do the damned job and live up to his end of the deal?

WTF?



I mean really people, “How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop?” He is not even in office yet! And I quote from an anchor on MSNBC “is Obama really ready for the challenges ahead? We know he already has a chief of staff lined up, but does that seem like a quick decision to anyone else? We used to call him Bambi, is he really ready for this?”

Seriously people, doesn’t it say something good if he already knows what he wants, if he has a game plan, his is only the PRESIDENT ELECT for goodness sake. The man has not slept in three days, and neither have you, I am sure that suit you still have on must stink by now of fast food and old farts from too many jelly donut and Starbucks runs, unless you have the “runs” already. Go home, take a shower, and sleep it off. Unless of course you voted for McCain, in that case, keep trying to make yourself feel better by spewing crap from your mouth when you suck down your next Seattle Diuretic.



Leave My President Elect Alone.

Angie

PREAMBLE

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more Perfect Union, establish Justice, insure Domestic Tranquility, provide for the Common Defence, promote the General Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish: THAT WE HAVE ELECTED BARACK OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT!!!”

Well folks, the votes are tallied, the ballots are counted, MS NBC, CNN, FOX NEWS, and of Course Erika’s Comedy Central have been watched and drooled over. My own salivation not with held, my own joy not held back, yes, even I, a Strict Bush TWO Term supporter, was shouting for joy. The foolish grin of “Hope and Justice for ALL!” plastered across my face as “The Maverick” was losing his foot holds in the east. Even my beloved Wisconsin turned blue, Tommy Thompson must have been green at the gills! All my love to him, you did us good ‘ole chap, but, hell even I can have hope, and hope I did as I cast my vote proudly.
Now I know, I know, Kentucky was Red you will say. But need I remind you, it was by the smallest margin? I mean really, we rocked it, we showed up in droves, we took a stand, we believe.

I BELIEVE!

Now, in this time of joyous celebration, I will not be casting stones, hats of Mr. McCain, gracious bow out to our beloved President Elect, well spoken, and very gentlemen like, when your party was not last night, the footage was appalling. I wonder what would have happened if they had won? A riot?? Any way, thank you for being a good sport sir, you are truly a leader in your own capacity. You have been true to yourself and done your party and state proud.

I want to impress a point here, I am not one to impress my views on people, but hell this is my blog I can say whatever I damn well please. The House and Senate look like they will be majority Democrat as well. Okay, hopping on my soap box here…

Will all The Lesbian and Gay Folks PLEASE STAND UP???

Hello people…for those of you who did not see the vice presidential debates, from Mr. Biden’s mouth to our ears, the next presidency will not oppose same sex couples having equal rights.

Health care. Insurance. Housing. Hospital visitation. Child care. Financial. Social. Need I go on? We are looking at the very real possibility of never having to wage the war again of having to look at a form and wondering where do I put my partner, will this doctor or hospital support my partner being with me, what happens to him or her if something happens to me? No one will have to write the family pet in their will any more (yes right now you all know who you are Erika and I have had to do it too) to make sure that if the unthinkable happens our family stays together.

The Time To Stand Is Now. We have the people in place who are willing to back us, support us, fight for us, be with us, whether you are in Louisville, Maine, New York, California, Chicago, Florida, Pass the message on, It is time to take a stand, THE TIME IS NOW.

Start writing you congress people, state and county spokes people, rally together, help Obama and Biden help us, The can make change, you voted, you had a voice, don’t let that voice die on November 4, 2008, Carry the torch, light the way make it happen, follow it through, and we will succeed.

We Are The Change.

Angie

Now Serving Table 58...

via videosift.com

So, do you ever think you could get better health care from Dexter Morgan than from your own local Emergency Room at your Local Hospital?

You walk into the ER, you expect Noah Wyle to come rushing to your aide after being insulted by the hot nurse of the day, better yet get me the cute doctor chick from Private Practice, “yes that spot does hurt a little”. Instead, you get sent to be “triaged” where you find out you blood pressure is 139 over 85, (you wonder how how you have not exploded as of yet) and that though you are a level 3 trauma, there are people who have been there since 3 who have not been seen.

I seriously thought about barfing on his shoes to show my undying gratitude and devotion for his medical professionalism.

“I did not want to give you false hope of being seen right away.” I looked at Erika, and right in front of him, said maybe we should go somewhere else, maybe we should go home, something; this place is not going to make me feel better.

We left, went back to the parking space, the one we drove around for 15 minutes for, the second place we were looking at, the first spot a care that stated boldly “medical response vehicle” pulled up directly facing us after we had our blinker on, and turned his on. a true match of wills, the whose dick is bigger, the pissing match to end all pissing matches, and Erika sat there blinker on, looking straight ahead, that old guy thinking he was going to get between me and my health care…not as long as Erika has anything to do with it. Her super powers proven, we denied the elixir of life from my home lunar body to heal me; we set out for our next star base destination.
RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

No, I am not fucking kidding. There are 3 hospitals in a 3 block area, no shit. so Erika gets us there, we check in, they tell us it might be a few minutes, they have 15 people waiting, they get me triaged, registered, and into a private glass enclosed quiet room, in less than 25 minutes, I saw a doctor less than 15 minutes later and they APPOLOGIZED because it took so long! All is going well, they treat me, the medications don’t work as well as I would like, they give me something else. I feel better; I am getting ready to go home, I have no complaints about this place at all...and WHAM.

A woman comes in and tells us before I leave I need to pay before I can go. Now, for those who don’t know me, I have a migraine issue, I go to the ER more than once a year, so already met my yearly out of pocket maximum. I KNOW THIS! I FUCKING KNOW THIS because I JUST TALKED TO MY INSURANCE CARRIER THAT AFTERNOON! And she won’t take my word for it. I have never in my life been hit up for $100 before I left an ER, I have insurance, if I did not, it might be something different, but they did not even file with them yet, how would they even know if I would owe anything. When I challenged the lady about it, and asked how we would get the money back if the insurance paid it all, she looked like a deer in the headlights of a car, she did not have an answer, said I would have to talk to the insurance company. I said we were not paying anything. She left, I told E that was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.

Next time my regular hospital is busy I will just make my way to Miami. I bet Dexter will be more than happy to help me out…If I satisfy the “Code of Harry “that is.

Happy hunting all…

Angie

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Kodak is not always right, pictures are not always right, but in this case, they are just the trick. This last weekend Erika (you all know my lovely Bride To Be by now) and I went to the river front on The Lou side of things and hung out for a while. Talk about a trooper, the walk down, okay okay, I got the walk down, the walk up was all her, she pushed me back up in my wheel chair, and got me back to the car in one piece. props to the wonderful woman in these pics...so here you all go enjoy! More To Come As Always! Angie

I Am The Roller Coaster Tycoon

Sitting wondering about things today I realize I am absolutely and positively bored out of my mind.

There seems to be some sort of weird programming that switches in my brain when I see the sun shining out side I am so convinced that I should be outside. Fishing, the sunlight, the air in my lungs something, I should be doing something. So I paint, and occupy my mind, looking for the answers to who I am inside. And I look and search for something I worry I may never find again. Maybe it is one of those things we never find until we are gone, the closeted us. Odd thing for an openly gay person to say maybe, however, feeling closeted is something people feel inside from time to time I think. The never ending search for themselves. A detective who can not close the last case in their drawer before they retire. The cold case sitting there, the jacket worn, known inside and out. Finger prints, partial identifications, the shadowy figure in the street light, whispered away with night’s airy breath. Ghosts creeping under your door, silent revelation of some dankness left on the shelf feted rotted ideals behind the brining juice “Time”.

The silver lining? The repeat of salvation? The glint of the light at the end of the tunnel. mirrored glasses three quarters full, forgetting half empty, damning half full, who needs it there is so much more than that. More than the romaine in the lettuce crisper, healthful and good for you crisped and cleaned. Needed for more than a minute, needed for more than a day, needed for more than for you, needed for more than need.

There will always be good. you will always have it in you, you just need to look in the right place, the right height in your mind, the places hidden, they try to hide them from you, try to find a corner to stash the glimmering objects that would carry you to a sunlit room that fills you with hopeful acclimates of peace. “Hope is the greatest of things” isn’t that what was said? We have to believe that to find our way out of the oblivious dark that terrifies the senses and stupefies the soul. Soul. A permeable being that fills the void of heart. Egyptians used to feel that the heart did all the thinking. The brain was useless. The soul is not an organ. The soul is not something you can touch, unless you find someone who touches you.

People love other people. It is in the human nature to care about other people, to look for the good in each other. My fiancé found it in me. Sees it in me every day. She helps me see it in me, in a way I have never seen it before. I see things in her, see colors, prismatic colors. Lights and sparkling rainbows of greens, oranges, blues, reds, I feel the ocean when I listen to her heart and her lungs as she breathes while I sleep next to her. The relaxing tides surrounding me. Hearing John say “you future mother in law thinks so…” or a gentle hug from Diane when we come over for comfort foods of chili and grilled cheese, because knows that I am in pain from how I walk or how I hug her first. Gracie, asking for me to sit with her at dinner, and us eating grilled cheese and playing with our food, I mean really what adult does not love to play with their food? Helping fix a cell phone that I am totally obsessed with, or chatting about fishing and browsers on cell phones with Troy and Heather. Family, I love sitting at that table, even on days when I am not feeling “sociable”.

We all get to ride the rides, the ride has a different admission every day, sometimes, the price seems steep, however, the thrill is worth it, and it is one hell of a ride, in the end?

I plan on being a Tycoon.
Angie

PS Don't forget, I put a link in the Header of this post...enjoy... A.

Gracie....A New Pic For You All

This is a Pic of my niece Gracie...hope you guys enjoy it. I know I do! She is so cute and adorable!

Hope everyone enjoys, take care and be well!

Angie

"Down on The Farm"

Okay well, I know I have been MIA for a few days, sorry about that everyone. I am not sure what happened, I lost track of time, I lost track of space. I most likely just lost track of me. That happens to me from time to time. I am not sure if you know how that feels gang, however, I am sure there are a few other people who know what I am talking about. Any way, as they once said “I’m Back!”
Yesterday the fishing was not only cold; so were the fish. McNeely is usually my hot spot lake for pan fish, however, only a few bites and not a one catch. on my way home, I driving, as one does on their way home, and saw three young guys, sign in hand asking for money for food for them and their dog. I am, by all means, a huge animal lover. I drove past, as over 90 percent of the population does in these situations, and got on the freeway to go home.
The chill of the cool winds still working its way out of my body, I was not even thinking of those young guys, and I turned around, stopped at a dollar store, bought dog food and dog treats, made my way back and dropped them off. Some how, it seemed wrong. The dog was eating not those young guys. So I of course asked when they last had a true hot good meal.
Food.
Simple, yet so important and so needed to survive. I take for granted that if I want something warm, Erika makes me a comforting pot of potato soup, I am warmed and feel loved and safe.
I sat there in that booth listening to the lives of strangers. Watching them laugh. Hearing the differences in their voices. Listening to the highs and lows of traveling across the country together. Salad, biscuits, pasta, gravy, wonderful table manners, better than my own at times, it was wonderful to sit and hear their lives unfold into colorful pictures in my mind.
Dinner really can bring families together, family yesterday were total strangers, human brothers, just like Ben or Justin. I did not see guys that had not had a decent meal in a few days. I saw my friends, their smiling faces, no one of them would ever go hungry. The dog? Sure you may ask, and I will tell you, Erika and I spoke once, about how we would never let an animal suffer or be hungry, I saw Odyssey, Apollo, Hud, Buster, Dexter, Dodge, and Sasha. My brother’s and I’s dogs, now and growing up, my Father’s favorite hunting dog, I saw them all.
Ah, the old cliché, the we are all a human family cliché. I don’t care about that. I know people were looking at me with these guys in the restaurant, I did not care then I don’t care now. Their meal was paid for; they were polite, respectful, quiet, kind to the wait staff. I felt bad about leaving them, when I dropped them off where they asked me to, those were the best good bye hugs I have received in a long time. If I never hear from them, or see them again, that day will always stick with me, I felt whole, good.
Alive. Living. Real. Human. Refreshed.
It does not get much better than that. If you get a chance please keep Rich, Rory, and Danny in your prayers, that they may be safe in their travels.
“Fair winds and following tides” boys.
Angie

Could someone pass the F**king Ambien!!!

Okay, so there is no way of getting around this, I have insomnia sometimes and am exhausted other times.

It is like you sit here and watch TV and there are ten commercials for easy ways to get to sleep and stay asleep, the side effect of each is you may be drowsy the next day. DROWSY?? They mean damn near comatose. They mean you will never recover your cognitive abilities until you sleep about 26 hours straight.

OTC or known as Over The Counter drugs are known as non-habit forming and safe. except the main ingredient in the is half the dose of a shot of Benadryl. so if that makes you nuts-o hyper forget the hope of sleep you will be insane all night.

Welcome to the world of uppers and downers, active vitamins for during the day, something to sleep at night and the world revolves on the little yellow pill.

Yes Virginia Sci-Fi Is Real.

Angie

Just A Follow Up For All Of You Paying Attention Out There...

I am Getting Better at this blogging stuff aren't I?
Angie

The Train Is A Rolling...And Unless It Derails...

Well, by now you all, (well those of you who read this any way) know Keith. I got my second birthday surprise today while on a fishing outing with Keith. I caught a 19-inch catfish.

Many thanks to Keith for netting him, let me tell you all this, if he had not, the hook was in his mouth so good the fish yanked hard, the line snapped, and he would have gotten away, but, once again my buddy had my back.
It is strange isn’t it, sometimes, how we can sit in the misting cloudy days, eating a lunch (which neither of us would have though to pack Erika gets total props for that one mind you, thanks babe) and though you don’t talk much, you don’t need to, and there is not much that needs to be said. You know you just enjoy doing it, and you know this is a person you will enjoy doing this with.
I have known a lot of people in my life. I have had a lot of “friends”. Erika and I talk about this sometimes how fortunate we are that we have people in our lives that care about us just as we are.
Then realizing that should be considered a gift in and of it self I guess.
So this birthday thing will be in full swing in a short while, we are about to embark “on ward and up ward!” to dinner and John and Dianne’s house. Here is hoping you all have a joyous and wonderful a meal tonight as I do.
It feels like I should be talking more, speaking profoundly and reflecting on the great pasts and futures of life to come, but all I can think to say is:

“May The Force Be With You!”

Ahhh....The March Goes On...Oh Wait That Was "The Beat Goes On" Wasn't It?

Well, it is that time of year again. Yep you guessed it, another day another dollar, another dime dropped, but then, Stephen King said “Everyone Drops The Dime”. Birthdays seem to have this ominous glow, this vigorous defiance to them, you either love or hate them, join the party or hide from the reality that yes you are getting older. It was never the getting older that freaked me out; it was the push to celebrate the obvious truth. Yes we get older, yes there are 365/366 days in a year (though no my dear friends it was not always so) We force this mountain of mysticism on people in this cultural masquerade, and yet, it’s banality is overwhelming, don’t you think? What a simple thing to celebrate a life.
I sit sometimes, and watch my nephew Max, as he explores the world around him, and I think of how excited I of all people was to be there for his first birthday. The celebration of his first year of his young life, odd, I often duck and cover when it comes to my own. Yes, I planned vacation to be sure I was there for it, I would not have missed it for the world, yet, in the grand display, in the cake and melted mush of confections gone bad, the swirl of the sink washes away the sin of hiding from my own mortality.
Why do I not see my own celebration? Why do I not feverishly grasp the reigns and enjoy the ride of confetti, helium, sugar high? I’m not sure.
It feels displaced sometimes. Not worth the celebration.
This year…
This year…
Is…Different.
Tomorrow, two days before the official kick off of my coming into being in this world, I am spending the day fishing with my great friend Keith. I really like Fishing with him, something about the quiet and his company and just being me, and never worrying about judgment is wonderful. The, as Erika says, I get treated to a “Lundbom Dinner” LOL. I must say, John and Diane cook a wonderful meal, and I happen to be the guest of honor. It is nice to be asked about the menu and such. Thursday night, we get to hang out with Allyson, Keith, and of course Max. (They went on a trip to Jersey, we have missed them more than a little, and can’t wait to see how much Max has grow, and Allyson too…wink wink hug hug) Friday is possibly Bingo and dinner with friends.
Erika has taken off work for 3 days we have 5 whole days together, way kewel, and a gift to me all in and of it self. And though I will miss the guys and Tonya for “beer and balls” I am sure if I requested pool for my birthday it could be arranged.
This year…instead of the usual trepidation and hiding, the taking days off from work to be away from everyone, people I love and cherish surround me, and do I think this year will be different?
Well Erika, my happy thought for the day, yes I do.
Angie

“Imagination…Sit, Stay….Lay Down and Play Dead”

I have been working on reading a book, and slowly plodding along. However, there is no way to say this; once you have seen the movie it is harder to see a character in the light originally intended by the author. But we plod along hoping to catch that glimpse originally intended before Hollywood slapped on the make-up and where in hell is wardrobe, we need them on set in less than five, they look just awful that color just wont do with the lighting we have set up! Good grief. Makes you miss Charlie Chaplin, doesn’t it? in the wide open space between the lines my imagination grapples with the beautiful world the author tries desperately to lay before me, while my unconscious nags in the glitz and glam of over paid child actors and under studies for whom the really awful bathroom shots and awkward naked poses are supposed to be reserved for (unless the actor or actress has a voyeuristic streak who knows these days wink wink).

All of this proves to me the damnable idiocy we are creating for the youth of our nation and we wonder why we have spoiled loss of innocence. Go figure Mr. President. A television in every home that was once the dream. a television in every room of every home, that was once a dream, now the damned house talks to you and tells you what the fuck you have to put in spaghetti to make it taste good! No shit, leave it to Billy Gates, he has a house a “proto type” mind you, that tells you what ingredients you have and need to cook food, tells you what steps to take, it even keeps track of your damned Prescription Medications! Since when did we loose control over the house and the house became the ruler of the roost, and the fantasy a reality, and the books of the future were no longer needed? No reason what so ever hardly to watch the freaking Jetsons anymore, sorry Astro, fetch is way out dated, they forgot to program us to play that game with you.
More To Come I am Sure...
Angie

All Washed Up...And Don't Forget Ship Wrecked...Has Anyone Seen The GOOD Dr. Wilson?

Do you ever watch an episode of one of your favorite TV shows, and one of your favorite characters, one your thought you knew oh so well, says something, does something so damning to your prophetic hero or heroine? Damned if I did not just see the first episode if season five of House. I am in shock, it is fight or flight, I want to strangle Wilson’s character right now. I can’t give away details for the die hards that have not seen it yet, however, when you see it, you will be caught breathless. Every characteristic of him, the fiber of his being is rocked in his clash of the Titans performance in the last three minutes of the episode. Never have I seen Robert Sean Leonard in the cowardice role since Dead Poets Society. Never have I seen him in a self preserving state, but then who has seen Robert Sean Leonard in anything since Dead Poets Society, unless they caught the awkward glance on the street corner with Dixie cup in hand begging for the change to go grab fish and chips when his Broadway wash up shows were whisked away to London to “Less than admirable reviews” but what do I know I am but a humble House M.D. advocate, who accepted that Wilson was in fact a main stay of science and good that allowed Princeton Plains-Burrow Hospital to function. And now? How do we go on? Well, after knowing the washing of the first 3 Mrs. Wilsons, and their hefty alimony settlements, what was he thinking that this was little more than a premature divorce that had gone a little awry? But no, he takes this opportunity to exit stage left, and “back on the dole matey!” I wonder how long it will be before we see another Robert Sean Leonard production on the off shoot of Broadway starving with thread bare costumes and lipstick worn stage maidens.
Angie
PS...STILL NOT SURE WHY I am Ranting...Just Click On My Heading To This Post...It Takes You To the Full Episode From Hulu...Props To Them...A.

Number 1...What Else Do You Call The First Blog You Ever Wrote?

Well here we are the beginning of the end. Weird opening I know. However, I never was much of a supporter of the whole Blog world. I know, I know, catch up with the times Ang. however, it is not about that, it is about fighting the machine, sort of, being different, sort of, being myself, sort of, expressing my individuality, sort of.
I wrote a piece about how Blogging will be the spewing damaging end all of the world, the catch phrase that melts our minds and numbs our souls, and yet here I am; giving in, taking my last breath, diving into the deep end of the arsenic pool. Have you ever seen a fight dog before a fight? They are not so tough, they sit, cornered in their cages terrified of the master’s hand, pissing on themselves; I am like that a lot of the time. Who is the master? Time? Life? God? People? The air I breathe? who is to say, all I know is right now as I sit here, this computer is a voice for which no one will ever here. But, that’s okay, I can live with that as long as the story is written and the page is held, the word spoken, the pen scrawled, the hand tested, the mind stretched, and the balance restored. And we all here “sing us a song you’re the piano man! Sing us a song tonight! For we’re all in the mood for a melody! And you’ve got us feeling alright!”

Enough of those kinds of thoughts now; on to regular every day life, you will see it is rather bland and ordinary I promise. Athena has made herself rather scarce today, she was very cuddly and active yesterday, however today she has been reclusive and hidden from the light, I don’t blame her, I have become some sort of vampire myself, lol. Almost as if I go outside with out sunscreen, I may get sun burnt, not really, but my life has been rather sheltered lately.

Fishing, let’s talk about fishing. Last Friday I went fishing with my good friend Keith. (I recently asked him to stand up in my wedding; he and his beautiful wife Allyson are very good friends of Erika and mine; and I was very happy when he said he would be honored to stand up in the wedding with me.) We sat at that lake, the breeze was great, asking each other back and forth if we were having a good time, if the other was okay, if we were ready to go, both wanted to stay, the sun finally got the best of us. (or maybe it was the fact that my damned Bic lighter ran out on us I guess we will never know for sure) we may have only caught one fish, but that was a great day, my anxiety has been high, stress and tensions have been unbearable at home and for me personally. Keith looked at me when we first got there and said “if you feel stressed here...” my own thoughts trailed off in my laughter, he was right, I had a stress free morning. We may have only caught one fish, however, that one fish gave me a memory of laughter, and a joke to tell his son for years to come, and a memory that just my friend and I share.

Okay Okay Okay Okay, (any one else like Joe Pesci?) this is getting long, and I need to rest and be bored, and do nothing except for a chore or two around the house. Take care and there will be more later.
Angie